


About That Ogre

by vieralynn (sarasa_cat)



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age II
Genre: Comedy, Developing Relationship, F/M, Humor, Miscommunication, Multi, Orgy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-13
Updated: 2013-02-13
Packaged: 2017-11-29 03:57:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/682493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarasa_cat/pseuds/vieralynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen was clearly perplexed. (Justice does not approve.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	About That Ogre

**Author's Note:**

> Story inspired by an anonymous confession to dirtydragonageconfessions on tumblr (http://dirtydragonageconfessions.tumblr.com/post/23126974042)
> 
> Confession text: "Having an orgy with Anders, default fem!Hawke, Fenris, Alistair, and Cullen is the only thing I'd like right now. With me being Hawke and being dominated by all of them."
> 
>  

“Hawke, did you just ask me to help you dominate an— an ogre?” Cullen was clearly perplexed.

“Orgy, Cullen.  _Or-gy_.” Hawke drew out the word’s two syllables as she looked him in the eye, making certain the Knight-Captain understood. “As in now. Right now. You and me, plus Fenris, Alistair, and Anders. Getting it on, with the four of you dominating me.” 

Cullen blinked his stunned response.

“Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Hold on here.” Alistair waved his hands in defense. “When I said, ‘Oooh! That sounds like a really good idea,’ I thought you meant  _Ogre_ , just like our good templar friend thought too.  _O-gre_. You know, those big, angry horned beast. Monstrously tall. I though that five us of would hike up a mountain trail, wielding our swords and staffs, working together to dominate one of those ghastly Ogres with our massive do-gooding powers of— of— doing good.”

“That’s…” Cullen drew out his first word, dearly waiting in vain for additional words to queue up on his tongue. “…what… I… thought… she… had said, because I… I really… really cannot…  I mean… it’s not that… I, uh… Did you really say the five of us? Oh, my!” Cullen wiped fresh beads of sweat from his brow.

“Now, Hawke,”  Fenris butted in, “while  _these_  two men are respectable warriors, do not think to insinuate that I would ever consider such activities with  _that_   _mage_.” 

“What mage are you speaking about?” Anders demanded as he walked into this scene of uncomfortable disarray. “And why do I suspect you aren’t referring to Hawke.”

“Am I ever?” Fenris demanded.

“At least she and I don’t walk around ripping people’s hearts from their chests,” Anders said.

“At least I do nothing at the behest of a demon, nor will I dominate others.”

“And why don’t you shout that first part a little louder so the Knight Captain can hear you?”

“Hawke!” Fenris turned his back on Anders. “If you allow  _that_   _mage_  to dominate you, what you are doing is no different from acting as a slave to a magister. How can you possibly want that?”

Anders stepped forward, pushing Fenris aside. “Hawke, how could you possibly put a man like  _that_ —” Anders shook an accusatory finger at Cullen, “—above us? And dominating you? Dominating Us? How could you? All of this time I thought you were on  _my_  side. And now you want  _that_   _templar_   _to_   _dominate_   _us_?”

Hawke shrugged. “I don’t see why we cannot treat each other as equals. After all, there is nothing like an orgy to level things out.”

“Psst, Hawke?” Cullen whispered, “I… uh… you… would you mind speaking in… private about this?”

“Hawke!” Anders demanded, “You must see the truth of this! Of all people in Thedas who deserve to have you,  _that_   _templar_  will never have the right. Ever! His kind treat us like children in need of supervision. They herd mages like sheep, forcing us to bow our heads to the Chantry’s demands. All of this time,  _you_  have remained free. You give mages hope. You cannot throw all of that away just for a dalliance with someone like  _that_ —  _that_  templar.” 

Hawke pursed her lips as she scrutinized Cullen. “And what if I think an orgy is the best way to break him in? Cullen, you are still a virgin, aren’t you?”

“What? I… it’s not… I, uh… Oh, sweet Maker,“ Cullen choked on his words.

“Anyhow,” Hawke continued, “I’ve heard more than an earful from Isabela how a certain Hero of Ferelden set about educating  _this other_  ex-templar.” Hawke jabbed her thumb toward Alistair.

“Whoa now, wait, waitaminute, whoa, hold on.” Alistair waved his hands furiously as his face turned the same crimson color as the stuttering templar knight captain standing beside him. “I should have known this had something to do with Isabela. She set you up to this, right? Tell me I’m right? This is all just a joke, right? Ha ha! See? I’m laughing, very funny. Right? Very funny.”

“Hawke doesn’t make jokes about these kinds of matters,” Fenris said.

Cullen coughed. 

“And I don’t think  _any_  of this is a joking matter,” Anders stated as he pounded the end of his staff into the ground.

“Hawke, I… I really should… should go,” Cullen stuttered, “But I… I think we… we should… should talk. Later.”

“All of you! Stop considering this like it is some game!” Anders accusatory finger swept a wide arc as his eyes began to glow with blue light. “INJUSTICE OCCURS EVERY TIME A MAGE IS DOMINATED BY OTHERS. I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS INJUSTICE NOR WILL I ALLOW MAGES TO WILLINGLY INVITE DOMINATION UPON THEMSELVES!”

“Do any of you think this is getting out of control really quickly?” Alistair said as he reached for the arm of his fellow warden. “Maybe you should come with me.”

“I WILL NOT ALLOW IT!” Anders shouted over his shoulder while Alistair led him away. “I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS INJUSTICE, EVEN WHEN A MAGE BRINGS IT UPON HERSELF!”

Fenris shook his head. “I have to admit that response was expected. Hawke? I think it time to take my leave but, if you care to, I have a bottle of wine the two of us could share on some other evening. Not tonight.” 

Hawke met Fenris’ eyes and nodded her wordless goodbye before he left.

“I… um… oooooh… that was—” Cullen sucked in his breath.

“Uncomfortable?” Hawke stated, more than asked.

“You could call it that.” 

“Well, I’m sure I’ll see you tomorrow, or next week, or sometime,” Hawke said as she turned to leave.

She had taken a half dozen steps away when the clankity-clank of a templar jogged up behind her. “I… I should at least walk you home. It’s dark and there are far too many gangs of bandits plaguing Hightown at this hour of the night.” 

“Thank you.”

They walked ten paces in silence.

“Cullen,  you didn’t actually think I would suggest we hunt an Ogre in the middle of the night?”

“I… I have to admit the idea sounded a bit odd. Although, if the Champion of Kirkwall believes that is the right thing to do—”

“You would have done it?”

“Hunt Ogres in the middle of the night?”

“Something like that.”

“I think it might be a little rash. The five of us —  _that_  particular group of five. A little rash.”

“You’re probably right,” Hawke said. 

“Did you say that I’m right? You’ve never said that before.” 

“Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.”

“Very funny, Hawke. Very funny.”

“A little earlier you said that we should talk. ”

“I… I did. But… only if this is what you want.”

“Tonight?” Hawke nudged Cullen’s arm.

“Tonight? Uh— uh, yes, tonight. I… I could stay tonight and talk about… uh…”

“Ogres?”

“No, no, not ogres. Anything but ogres, especially when it involves those other four people. Hawke, promise me, no more talk about…” Cullen coughed, “Ogres.”

“If that all it takes, you have my word.”

“Good.” 

“Glad we reached an agreement on this matter.”

“Me too.”


End file.
